Sunday, October 17, 2010

Silence

From the time of Scotty’s death until now, I have had little energy for this blog. I've posted a few items with little commentary. I had to spend time in grief. In some ways, I am still there, grieving the loss of my big orange boy.

And then work had me in travel status for much time.

Tonight, the dam has opened, and I am writing again. I have no idea how much longer it will remain open.

This "grief thing" is rather unpredictable.

12 Comments:

Blogger Fran said...

Grief is rather unpredictable indeed. Do what you can and when you can. Peace to you, prayers and peace.

10/17/2010 6:38 AM  
Blogger Kirkepiscatoid said...

Well, and it's important to give yourself a little room, here. We are talking about a life that occupied essentially 2 decades of your own. To think that just mystically evaporates into normalcy is unrealistic and not fair to yourself.

On occasion, I find myself grieving things 10-20 years ago. Sure, there will be a day you don't think of it every day, or every week, or every month. But there's just a lot there when we truly love someone--even when that someone is a beloved pet.

10/17/2010 7:49 AM  
Blogger susan s. said...

I had been thinking about you. As Kirke says it takes time.

10/17/2010 10:58 AM  
Blogger Lisa Fox said...

I am deeply grateful for your understanding.

Scotty had been with me for 20 years. There are few humans with whom I have had a sustained relationship for two decades ... but Scotty was every day. It is is difficult adjustment, and I appreciate your understanding.

10/17/2010 5:42 PM  
Blogger IT said...

Oh, hey... totally get it. It's one of the reasons I was very resistant to getting a pet (other than a fish or something). And now e have Bubba the Cat and I am quite ridiculously fond of him.

My defense against the pain has been to avoid the relationship. in fact, BP describes meeting me as "dragging me out from under the rock". I feel raw and vulnerable at so many levels. It scares me. But my life is so much better being loved and loving.

Awful as now is... you had 20 years of a relationship with an amazing friend. That degree of love... it's going to rip out flesh when you lose each other but it does not negate the value of the relationship. I know I am much better as a person now, than I was being safe.

Scotty and you were lucky to find each other. That counts for a lot, doesn't it? Your life without him would have been much emptier. Likewise his.

And Bubba (who has decided lately to express his affection by washing our fingers) has done the same to us.

You will never fully heal--do any of us when we lose a loved one? But you are a better person for the wound, than you would have been without the gift of Scotty in your life. Those who love us make us better. That's what keeps me going in the face of the inevitability of pain that comes from love. I know I am so much better a person for having been loved.

I hope you keep your voice. We'll keep stopping by regardless.

{{{Lisa}}}

10/18/2010 12:15 AM  
Blogger JCF said...

All comfort to you, {{{Lisa}}}

IT, that was a lovely post. You keep talking about love to shame us "God is Love, and Versy-Vicey!" types, don't you? ;-)

10/18/2010 3:26 AM  
Blogger Catherine said...

It is, rather unpredictable, I mean...grief.

10/18/2010 11:05 AM  
Blogger IT said...

JCF, I don't know why you're surprised. You God-lovers don't have a monopoly on concepts of love, you know! Regardless, I don't write the way I do to poke you in the ribs, I write like that because that's how I feel.

Though I wish bubba would stop washing my fingers...so raspy.

10/18/2010 3:50 PM  
Blogger JCF said...

IT, I just hope you'll understand that if *I* believe GOD IS LOVE (a mathematical " = ") that logically, if you believe in love (and you do), that I can't square that you're actually an atheist?

[You could say you "LOVE BP". Or you could say you "God BP". To me, it's saying the same thing. See?]

It's just a question of perspective. To you, "atheists believe in love". To me, "believers in love aren't atheists." OCICBW (or just crazy! ;-/)

"I write like that because that's how I feel": we certainly have that in common! :-)

10/20/2010 7:52 PM  
Blogger IT said...

Oh, JCF, that's just creepy. Like a threesome or something. ;-)

10/20/2010 10:22 PM  
Blogger JCF said...

Heh-heh, IT you were raised RC.

Certainly, sometime you MUST have heard the trope about "Make Christ the Third Partner in Your Marriage"? *LOL*

[It's a metaphor . . . unless you read some the great Christian mystics (John of the Cross comes to mind) and then . . . 8-0]

10/22/2010 4:14 AM  
Blogger Lisa Fox said...

Loved reading your exchange, IT & JCF! You made me laugh.

And, yeah, IT, you're right about my 20-year relationship with my big orange guy.

I'm left with two females, and it's interesting to see how their relationships with each other and with me are changing. Maybe I'm anthropomophizing ... but it seems like they're paying more attention to me, now that Scotty's not here.

10/27/2010 9:56 PM  

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