Saturday, August 21, 2010

Jesus, Remember Me (Taizé)

Thoughts of the Dead

Read this one in a minor key.

I've been thinking about funerals today. The Unapologetically Episcopalian Facebook page linked to this a while back. But I hated the gory visuals that were included on that version. This one's more peaceful to me.

I could listen to this over and over. In fact, I have listened to it over and over today.

I've heard it sung during Tenebrae. But one commenter on YouTube mentioned hearing it mostly at funerals. I think that would be powerful and peaceful. I'd like it sung at mine. I would love to hear it sung during Communion, as some parishes apparently do.

You may wonder why I'm thinking about funerals today. Well ... it's convoluted, of course ... but you expect that of me, don't you? You'd think I had a double major in Long and Convoluted.

I woke early this morning, before dawn ... naturally and rested, and without aid of alarm clock. Made coffee, said Morning Prayer, and looked forward to a productive day at home -- this being one of the few totally free Saturdays I've had in a while. I had decided I would tackle the Room Formerly Known as a Guest Room & Study.

But for the past 34 months it's been The Room I Enter Only to Deposit Stuff ... like papers that need to be sorted and filed, or out-of-season clothes that need to be put away, or papers that need shredding. More and more, it's becoming the room where I crack the door open and toss things in. Not literally, but almost.

I know when it got transformed from the Guest Room to the Shunned Room. It became the Shunned Room when the few boxes from my mother's apartment were deposited there shortly after her death in October 2007 ... and the room has been shunned ever since. [And no, I didn't make that deposit. Family members with a key to my house put my mother's stuff in that room one day while I was at work. I think they meant well. But neither I nor they realized what would befall.]

I know I need to sort through those boxes and reclaim the space as my own. I had hopes today might be the day where I could at least begin to sort through the stuff I've subsequently deposited on the bed and other flat surfaces ... to "clear the decks" so that I could have space to go through my mother's boxes.

But, no, I played on Facebook and e-mail and the Interwebs. And dusk settled in, and now darkness. So ... of course ... I'm feeling like a failure. I suspect I was into major procrastination, without my even knowing it.

Dang it! The rest of my house is pretty tidy and well-organized. But that one miserable, cluttered, disorganized room haunts me and overwhelms me ... even on days like this, when I thought I had awakened full of energy.

Perhaps tomorrow. Who knows?

Meanwhile, I listen to this song ... thinking of my mother ...

It sure takes a long time to get over this stuff, doesn't it?


Blogger Kirkepiscatoid said...

Prayers for your mom's repose.

BTW, I know the tenor part for that one!

8/21/2010 10:18 PM  
Blogger Lisa Fox said...

Thanks, Maria, but I wonder whether she will ever be at rest ... or whether I will ever have peace about her.

8/21/2010 10:24 PM  
Blogger RevMama said...

Yes, it does take a long time to get over that stuff. Praying - against all odds - for your peace, my friend.

8/21/2010 11:09 PM  
Blogger Lisa Fox said...

Thanks, RevMama. I don't expect to get over it. There was too much complexity in my r'ship with my mother.
But peace? Yes, I crave that!

8/21/2010 11:20 PM  
Blogger Ann said...

I think you needed the day for sabbath and not for sorting out the room -- glad you played and goofed off - here's to more days like that. The room will be there for another day.

8/22/2010 6:41 AM  
Blogger Fran said...

Oh dear Lisa... I love that Taize piece, of course I love most Taize, but there is something about that one that penetrates the soul.

The loss of a parent and the items that get transported as a result of that loss can easily be the seed for a Shunned Room. I pray for her peace and rest but more importantly I pray for your peace and life.

The day you had for yourself seems the kind of day that will lead you to that room and what you need to do their. The time will come and in you will go, out things will go upon that. Prayers will carry you today and in the future.

8/22/2010 3:28 PM  
Blogger Lisa Fox said...

Thanks, Ann. Perhaps I just needed the day ... and several days ... to consider why I find it so frightening to open those boxes of my mother's belongings.

8/22/2010 11:24 PM  
Blogger Lisa Fox said...

Fran, I give thanks for you.
Yes, there's something about that song that delves into the soul for me.
I don't know what to say about my mother and her few remaining items. I seem afraid to open those boxes.
I appreciate the prayers you and others have offered here. Perhaps they will empower me soon to reclaim that room.

8/22/2010 11:27 PM  
Blogger it's margaret said...

I come to this post late --God bless you and your sabbath, Lisa. Trust yourself. You will accomplish it when the time is right...

All shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

8/26/2010 6:22 PM  
Blogger Lisa Fox said...

It's never too late, Margaret. I am grateful for your comment.

I don't know when I will move forward, but I appreciate your peaceful benediction.

8/26/2010 8:34 PM  

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