Thursday, July 01, 2010

International “Blame Lauren” Day

If you’ve been reading here, you know that The Episcopal Church has chosen to make Lauren Stanley some sort of sacrificial lamb. For whatever trumped-up reasons, they and/or the Bishop of Haiti have recalled her from Haiti. Their press release raised more questions than it answered.

I have learned from a friend of hers that Lauren’s VTS doctoral classmates have designated today as “Blame Lauren” Day. I want to contribute to the effort, in good-hearted silliness.

So … join with The Episcopal Church "leadership." If you have any complaint whatsoever, ascribe all the blame to Lauren. My friend promises that her shoulders are broad enough to take whatever silliness we may heap upon them.

Here’s the list that comes to mind immediately for me.

The Gulf oil disaster. Blame Lauren.
Global warming. Blame Lauren.
Afghanistan. Blame Lauren.
Rowan Williams becoming Archbishop of Canterbury. Blame Lauren.
My neighbor is too noisy. Blame Lauren.
I haven't received a pay raise in three years. Blame Lauren.
Ordination of gay/lesbian bishops. Blame Lauren.
My trash removal is overdue. Blame Lauren.
My cat threw up on my bed. Blame Lauren.
My bathroom lightbulb blew. Blame Lauren.
The Anglican Covenant. Blame Lauren.
My basement is leaking. Blame Lauren.
The cyan ink is running low on my printer. Blame Lauren.
My cat peed outside the litterbox. Blame Lauren.
Kirstin is sick. Blame Lauren.
My savings account balance is low. Blame Lauren.
Missouri is too humid. Blame Lauren

Please add all your other complaints, and attribute them to Lauren. After all, the Episcopal Church has already started it. Nothing is too great or too small. For her shoulders are broad, and her sense of humor is endless.

Add your complaints in the comments.

18 Comments:

Blogger Kirkepiscatoid said...

I have to replace the septic line from my house to the septic tank. I'm really REALLY mad at Lauren for that!

7/01/2010 7:15 AM  
Blogger Joie said...

After leaving the sprinkler on all night and now not having much water pressure, I want to blame Lauren. Okay now, silliness aside -- WTF is wrong with people who call themselves Christians.

7/01/2010 8:02 AM  
Blogger All Saints Episcopal Church said...

It's raining on my vacation. I blame Lauren.

7/01/2010 8:09 AM  
Blogger RosenKris said...

My son has pink eye and there's a water main break on King Street. I just saw Lauren two weeks ago. Clearly, this is all her fault.

7/01/2010 8:15 AM  
OpenID Ann said...

Now I know - Lauren is the cause of my cat going whacko!

7/01/2010 8:22 AM  
Blogger Lisa Fox said...

Yes!! Y'all are great.

And Robert Byrd died .. in the state adjacent to Virginia. Now I know whom to blame.

7/01/2010 8:57 AM  
Blogger The Vagabond Priest said...

Oh wow- MY cyan ink is running low too! Dang that, Lauren!! I just hope she realizes how super powerful she is- like, more powerful than Obama. Or Jesus! I mean, my funny money account is low, because I went out for happy hour twice this week. Lauren made me do it, even though I hadn't seen her in three months!! :-)

7/01/2010 9:31 AM  
Blogger David said...

Feeling generally listless and dyspeptic. I blame Lauren.

7/01/2010 9:58 AM  
Blogger Malcolm+ said...

See the attached video for a conceptually similar discussion of Canadian culture. Note that, while this example is presented in terms of the Quebecois experience, the same approach would accrue to any provincial government.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yFElFVVFpk

Ergo:

If your voiture will not start:
c'est la foute de la Lauren.

If you have a broken heart:
c'est la foute de la Lauren.

Si vous n'avez pas d'argent pour un vacance tropical, est faut restez au Montreal: c'est la foute de la Lauren.

Le decline inexorable des Canadiens de Montreal:
c'est la foute de la Lauren.

And cetera.

(If you enjoy this, you may want to go look up Bowser and Blue's song about the colorectal surgeon

7/01/2010 10:38 AM  
Blogger Malcolm+ said...

Damn and blast. I've consistently misspelled "faute" as "foute."

C'est aussi la faute de la Lauren.

7/01/2010 10:39 AM  
Blogger SteveRic said...

It is in the 80's today in Richmond, VA and I can leave the porch door open for fresh air - hey thanks Lauren. (and now I cannot remember my gmail password - thanks for that too!)

7/01/2010 10:42 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth Kaeton said...

I'm having a Bad Hair Day. Thanks a bunch, Lauren! You NEVER know what a bad hair day is like. (Sniff)

7/01/2010 11:40 AM  
Blogger Lisa Fox said...

"International Blame Lauren Day" is now a Facebook event. There you will discover many more things for which we can blame Lauren.

Sorry I can't seem to create a hyperlink to take you directly to the event. But you can find it thru my FB page, Lauren's, and a few others.

7/01/2010 11:50 AM  
Blogger Michael said...

Int'l Blame Lauren Day - Now EXTENDED! Let the scapegoating continue!

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=106601762723785&index=1

7/01/2010 12:38 PM  
Blogger Lauren said...

Elizabeth, I have TOO had bad hair days! Really ... I think ... when ONE of my hairs won't line up with the rest. Yeah, that's it!

7/01/2010 4:46 PM  
Blogger Dean said...

Blame implies there was some failure in the mission. There was no failure mentioned in the press release, therefore no blame to be placed on Lauren or anyone else. In accepting what her fellow seminarians are doing, she must believe that she was the mission. I can guarantee the mission will go on with or without her. Confidence is one thing, arrogance is another.

7/01/2010 5:44 PM  
Blogger LKT said...

It's 5:00 and I still have work I need to get done! It's all Lauren's fault! She forced me to go out to lunch, for one thing. For another, I wouldn't be procrastinating now if Lauren hadn't made me.

7/01/2010 7:12 PM  
Blogger Lisa Fox said...

Oh, pshaw, Dean. Lighten up.

Thanks, y'all, for playing along. This has been fun.

7/02/2010 11:12 AM  

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