Friday, December 12, 2008

Biblical Marriage

It is no wonder that the general population of the U.S. eschews Christianity, since we have allowed the right-wing nutjobs to define what "Christianity" means. It grieves me to recognize that most people actually think that nutjobs like Sarah Palin speak for Christianity.

One of my favorite political bloggers offers a truly Biblical definition of marriage. He reminds us what is truly Biblical. Let's see the "orthodox" Christians sign-on to this. As he says: "If we are to let the Bible define what 'traditional marriage' should look like, then our marriage laws should be amended as such."

Want to amend the U.S. Constitution to make it align with the Biblical view of marriage? Fine. Here's what marriage should look like, courtesy of DailyKos:

  • A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5)

  • B. Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines in addition to his wife or wives. (II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron 11:21)

  • C. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut 22:13-21)

  • D. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30)

  • E. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the constitution of any State, nor any state or federal law, shall be construed to permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9)

  • F. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother's widow or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law. (Gen 38:6-10; Deut 25:5-10)

  • G. In lieu of marriage, if there are no acceptable men in your town, it is required that you get your dad drunk and have sex with him (even if he had previously offered you up as a sex toy to men young and old), tag-teaming with any sisters you may have. Of course, this rule applies only if you are female. (Gen 19:31-36)
When the so-called orthodox assent to the truly Biblical view of marriage, then I will take them seriously. But not until then.

6 Comments:

Blogger Göran Koch-Swahne said...

Lisa,

Your first link goes to the Daily Kos alright, but to a post which is not about marriage in any sense...

12/13/2008 2:35 AM  
Blogger Lauralew said...

Yeah, Lisa, there are lots of verses about family life especially in the OT but also some in the NT that would make these folks gasp. The Bible isn't the neat and tidy document that people want it to be.

12/13/2008 8:23 AM  
Blogger Davis said...

Brilliant

12/15/2008 1:11 PM  
Blogger davidc said...

I ran B past my wife. Didn't fly!

12/16/2008 11:18 AM  
Blogger IT said...

I am reminded of the bumper sticker, "dear God please save me from your fllowers". And people wonder why I'm an atheist.

IT

12/17/2008 1:23 AM  
Blogger Grandmère Mimi said...

Lisa, that is excellent. Ah but they will say that none of that matters. Anatomy is everything. They have an answer for everything. Not necessarily a good answer, but an answer that satisfies their small brains.

12/17/2008 3:01 PM  

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