Saturday, December 12, 2009

Deep Thought du Jour

Why is it that – no matter what care I take with the laundry – underwear always comes out of the dryer wrong-side-out?

This peeveth me greatly.

Philosophical explanations and pastoral counsel welcome.

P.S. For those who may have missed it this summer, I offer again – and commend to your use – the "Liturgy of the Laundry" crafted by our friend Kirkepiscatoid. It's here. I especially appreciate this litany:

We have not paid attention to how many pairs of underwear we have left. We have not realized that the one pair of jeans we love the most lies dirty. We have run out of white socks.
Have mercy on us, Lord.
We have been deaf to your call to buy laundry detergent, and our manifold sins in this issue are intolerable to us.
Have mercy on us, Lord.
We confess to you, Lord, all our past unfaithfulness: the lack of attention to "delicate cycle" and "regular cycle",
We confess to you, Lord.
Our self-indulgent appetites and ways, and our exploitation of wearing certain items of clothing after picking them out of the dirty clothes basket,
We confess to you, Lord.
Our anger at our own frustration, and our envy of those who get their laundry done in a timely manner,
We confess to you, Lord.
Our intemperate love of worldly goods and comforts, and our dishonesty in mixing "colors" and "whites",
We confess to you, Lord.
Our negligence in cleaning out the lint filter in the dryer, and our failure to commend the faith that is in us,
We confess to you, Lord.
Accept our repentance, Lord, for the wrongs we have done: for our blindness to our bulging dirty clothes basket, and our indifference to what remains that we can wear to work and not look like a fool,
Accept our repentance, Lord.
For all false judgments, for uncharitable thoughts toward our neighbors who actually IRON their clothes, and for our prejudice and contempt toward those who never seem to "run out" of any item of clothing,
Accept our repentance, Lord.
For our waste and pollution of your creation, and our lack of concern for using "earth-friendly laundry products",
Accept our repentance, Lord.
Restore us, good Lord, and let your anger depart from us;
Favorably hear us, for your mercy is great.
Accomplish in us the work of our laundry,
That we may show forth your glory in the world.
By the cross and passion of your Son our Lord,
Bring us with all your saints to the joy of his resurrection, white as snow, like bleached socks and underwear.

To which I can only add: Thanks be to God for Maria!


Blogger Kirkepiscatoid said...

Oh, wow. I thought I was the only one.

12/12/2009 9:01 PM  
Blogger PseudoPiskie said...

I'll bet that if you put it in inside out it will still come out inside out.

12/12/2009 9:20 PM  
Blogger Lisa Fox said...

Far from it, Maria!

Yes, Pseudo. I've tried it both ways. No matter the input ... it always comes out wrong-side-out.

It's a conundrum.

I am truly grateful that you all are approaching this dilemma in all seriousness.

Perhaps we need to get our resident "Entangled States" physicist involved.

12/12/2009 9:35 PM  
Blogger Catherine said...

The fact that underwear have absolutely no say in who they are on or where they are going, makes it plain to me that this is their only form of protest and irritation to their respective wearers. They win every time and make us work a little harder to appreciate them when they do right.

12/13/2009 2:44 PM  
Blogger Lisa Fox said...

Ah, Catherine. I am grateful that you gave this the serious analysis it so clearly warrants. I suspect you are onto something here.
It leads me to another query, though: Does underwear have free will? I await your counsel.

12/13/2009 8:26 PM  
Blogger Grandmère Mimi said...

Lisa, I hate to contradict your friends who, no doubt, are sincere in their efforts to clarify and help, but the inside-out underwear is the work of the dryer demon, which also devours socks. I'm sorry to say that only exorcism works.

12/14/2009 5:59 PM  
Blogger Lisa Fox said...

I never even thought of that, Mimi! But since you live in the spiritual center of the universe, I'm inclined to give your insight credibility. And I suspect you know exactly what sort of exorcism will work. Dare you share with me (and all of us) the voodoo words that will exorcise the dryer demon? I would be most grateful!

12/14/2009 7:17 PM  
Blogger Grandmère Mimi said...

Lisa, 'fraid not. Exorcising dryer demons is not in my job description. You need a priest.

12/14/2009 10:19 PM  
Blogger Kirkepiscatoid said...

Sounds to me we ought to all be doing my "Order of Service for the Laundry" again.

12/15/2009 3:12 PM  
Blogger Lisa Fox said...

Right you are, Kirk! I've added a postscript above, giving you full credit.

12/15/2009 9:54 PM  
Blogger Grandmère Mimi said...

Kirke, that is wonderful. I have nothing more to add.

12/15/2009 9:57 PM  

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