Thursday, October 18, 2007


I have always loved dreams. They are so quirky and weird. One minute, I am awake; then I am dozing. Then this weird other consciousness takes over while am asleep, and the dreams move in. Then I am awake again and in my "right mind."

Ever since my mother died last week, I have been having a battle to manage a good night's sleep. I've had weird sleep patterns. I've gone to bed much earlier than usual, awakened in the middle of the night, and/or found myself awake much earlier than usual.

But last night surely wins the prize for the weird dream. I'll tell it here as if it were real.

All of a sudden, I was living in a different place. I was in a magnificent urban high-rise apartment. I became aware that there was a very large, very sick fish swimming aggressively outside. It was the shape of a discus or angel-fish, but lots bigger, and it was obviously in distress, like it was dying, and it had scary fangs. But, instead of swimming in water, it was floating in the air. It started attacking my windows.

Then the scene got darker. As usual, I had all my windows open, enjoying the breezes. But this crazed fish starting attacking my windows, ramming into them, and I was running around the house trying to close those windows. But it got into the living room window before I could close it.

The crazed, huge, dying fish landed on my living room floor. I knew it was aggressive, and I tried to find something, some sort of "weapon" with which I could knock it unconscious. But I wasn't fast enough. Before I could take action, this fish had jumped onto the sofa and had its fangs around my Big Orange Guy's neck. This huge, crazed fish was killing my beloved cat.

While I tried to beat the deranged fish off my beloved cat, I awoke.

Thank heavens, I awoke.

How crazy is that?

A dream about a crazed fish … flying through the air, out of water … digging its fangs into my beloved cat Scotty and trying to kill him??

This is some wacko stuff.


I know several of you are offering me support and prayers while I deal with my mother's death last week.

I suspect this is the weirdest thing I have yet posted on my blog. Damned if I have a clue what to make of it.


Blogger Liz Zivanov+ said...

Try googling dream interpretation - fish. This is one of the first sites that was listed.

10/19/2007 3:35 PM  
Blogger Catherine said...

Lisa, been there, done that two years ago when my mom died. I grieve for your loss because its mom and not someone else. I had dreams--nightmares--for a good while after her death. But peace does come, unexpectedly and in little packages...this is my prayer for you.

10/20/2007 10:07 AM  
Blogger Lisa Fox said...

Cranmer, your link was helpful. But it also made me think: A fertility symbol attacking a gentle, almost defenseless creature? Yeah, that resonates.

10/20/2007 8:42 PM  
Blogger Lisa Fox said...

Thank you, Catherine. I have a hunch I am processing her death in my dreams.

I am better this week than I was last week. Not great, but at least I'm not paralyzed with my grief and guilt.

I thank the many of you who have offered support both online and offline.

10/20/2007 8:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Lisa,

I have been quiet on this subject because I know that one day I'll get the call, or someone will show up, and the lifetime insanity with my own mother will be over. Ready or not. It's coming.

I have just been asking God to be present to you. I don't know what else to ask for.

I think this is an excellent dream that you've given yourself! I hope you will work with it. I have a dream group here in Austin which is helpful to me and I wonder if you might be able to find something like that where you live. I think you have some excellent symbols and they are interacting in a way which might provide insight for you. I am not going to tell you what I think it's about but it does seem fairly obvious, even to me, and I think that if you can get just a little help with it it might go a long way towards your healing.

I have had several dreams that quite literally changed my life. In fact, I've been meaning to blog on the dream of the blue-eyed rabbi but haven't gotten around to it yet. In one of my dreams, the dream of the one-armed dog, I met three fish who still visit me from time to time. You never know who you'll meet in the dream world!

I am sorry for your loss, Lisa. And I know that you will be living with it for awhile to come. But, I want to point out that even now, so very quickly, you are beginning to heal. I hope that even in difficult times you'll trust in that heart of yours. It clearly knows what to do.



10/20/2007 10:42 PM  
Blogger Lisa Fox said...

Lindy, I do have my own hunch about what it means. God help me, I think my mother is that fanged fish, and that the vulnerable Scotty is me -- and that my mother was trying to suck the life out of me. I think that my protecting Scotty means I was protecting myself from the one who would have sucked the life out of me.

When I look at this again tomorrow, I may lose courage, and I may delete this. I don't want to dishonor my mother. But I am glad I was able to save myself.

10/20/2007 11:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's a very good start, Lisa. I hope you'll keep at it.

10/21/2007 4:50 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth Kaeton said...

Dreams are gifts from God.

Open them. Rip off the shiny paper and the neatly wrapped bows.

Use them.

Dreams are gifts from God.

10/21/2007 8:31 PM  

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