Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Conspiracy Revealed!

There is one solemn vow you must make on that day when you slap your head and say, "Gosh! I think I'll be a homosexual now." When you earn your toaster oven – or help someone else earn his/hers – you must make one promise. On that day when someone finally hands you your very own copy of The Homosexual Agenda (bound in stereotypical leather for the girls and lace for the boys, dontcha know), one commitment is required of you.

It is this: You must never, ever reveal the secret by which we are slowly but inexorably converting the entire world to homosexualism.

So imagine my dismay this evening upon discovering the relatively new blog, Anglican Underground. I don't know the folks over there. Perhaps they are homosexuals who have broken their vow. Or maybe they are traitorous heterosexuals in whom some poor benighted homosexual foolishly confided. No matter. Whatever the reason, they have now spilled the beans.

They have broken the silence about the plot that dare not speak its name. They have revealed the Gay Food Conspiracy in this startling exposé:

It is important to us here at Anglican Underground to never miss important stories in the news. This may be one of the biggest stories we have seen so far. Evidence in [sic] mounting that the new Food Pyramid may be part of an elaborate gay conspiracy. I guess we should have noticed that the Pyramid was a rainbow to begin with and that if it were made into a sticker and put on the back of a car... well you get the idea. Now information is coming from many sectors that the food women eat during pregnancy may make their children gay and Soy could be a main culprit. Soy milk is featured prominately on the New Food Pyramid.
The Gay Food Conspiracy goes all the way to the top, as you'll learn from their interview with +Bob Pittsburgh; he divulges the nefarious plot in which the Presiding Bishop is showing an unseemly and anti-Levitical disposition to serve shrimp and lobster at Episcopal Church functions. (That's what we get for electing an oceanographer, I suppose.)

We had almost destroyed the Sanctity of Marriage. We were getting closer to Ending Civilization As We Know It. But it's all over now, I suppose. The homosexual quest for world domination has been exposed. I am devastated.

Thanks a lot, Anglican Underground.

P.S. to you HoBD junkies: Please, please – I beg you, of your mercy! -- do not tell Mr. Becker about this. This could be the one that finally sends him right over the edge.


Blogger Suzer said...

Thanks for the chuckle, Lisa (and kudos to Anglican Underground). I needed the chuckle tonight. :)

3/20/2007 8:17 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth Kaeton said...

We have been drinking soy milk in this house ever since we discovered that there was such high levels of antibiotics and hormones in regular dairy.

Gee, and none of our children is gay. Not one.

Wonder what we did wrong? I mean, we want the best for our children, right?

3/20/2007 9:15 PM  

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